Do you realize what happens when you leave the ‘R’ out of friend? You get a fiend! That’s exactly what a friend can be if you leave Respect, Reality, and Reasonableness out of a relationship!
Some people complain that they have no friends, that no one knows how to be a friend nowadays. Rarely do they look to see if they know how to be a friend to others. You need to ask yourself if you really believe that a friend has to be somebody who agrees with you about everything.
Friends don’t always have to see eye-to-eye. Their differences may lead them to conclusions that conflict with ours. But talking about those differences can teach us a lot about ourselves. At the very least, they can make us think about our own assumptions about the world. Respecting the differences between friends is an important part of building valuable friendships.
While it may be nice to have friends we’ve known since high school, who have shared all of our life experiences, it does get a little boring. People raised in other state or countries can help broaden our horizons by sharing their differences as well as their similarities.
Reality is another important part of friendship. The ability to be open and honest with someone is what draws us together. You don’t have to lie to a friend, or pretend to be something you’re not. Friends are people to whom you can admit your mistakes and weaknesses. But this means you have to tolerate their imperfections too. A large part of friendship is relaxing and being yourself.
To be a friend, you have to allow others the same privileges you demand for yourself. You can’t turn on a friend because they don’t live up to your expectations of what they should do. You don’t criticize them behind their back. Doing those things to a friend-in-need makes you a fiend indeed!
Reality means you can talk directly to a friend when you are uncomfortable about his or her behavior. Maybe it’s your problem; maybe it’s theirs. But friendship means being able to sit down and discuss conflicts between the two of you. Seeing each other through the rough spots can create a bond that lasts throughout your lives.
Reasonableness is the third R necessary for good friendship. What do you expect from your friends? Do you ask more than you give? If you expect your friends to cater to your every need, and meet every demand, you are being unreasonable. How would you feel if the same demand was made of you?
No one can be there for you every time you need them. A friend is someone who will be there when they can. If you are their friend, you will realize that sometimes they just can’t help you immediately. They can’t be there every time there’s trouble. What counts is that they help sometimes, not all the time. A good friend won’t let you down very often. But if you are a good friend, you won’t force them to never let you down. It just isn’t humanly possible!
Friendship takes effort from both parties. The rewards are worth it. Don’t be a fiend to the people who care about you. Act with Respect, a sense of Reality, and Reasonable expectations and put the ‘R’ back in friendship!