Do you have a problem dealing with authority?

Do you dread talking to your doctor? Do you jump when someone speaks in a loud voice? Do you break into a cold sweat when a police officer pulls you over? If the IRS called you on the phone, would you faint on the spot?

It’s amazing how quickly we react to people in a position of authority. Childhood memories of being scolded by our parents leap into our mind. Suddenly we’re afraid we’ve been caught breaking into the cookie jar, and instant panic sets in. We don’t even stop to consider our needs or priorities. We just take the path of least resistance, and kick ourselves afterward.

If you’re one of those people who can’t argue with the utility company, fight an undeserved ticket, or ask your boss for a raise, take heart! You can learn to speak up for yourself.

First, you have to mentally adjust your image of yourself. Then, you have to re-evaluate your perception of other people’s power. Finally, you have to practice. These aren’t easy steps, but you’ll be doing yourself a big favor if you try them.

First of all, you have to stop thinking of yourself as a victim. Authority figures only have power if you give it to them. You are paying for the services of doctors and lawyers. You have the right to ask questions about their advice. You are part of the company your boss is working for. You have a right to discuss policy that affects you, like your salary.

Police officers are there to support you and your community. If they make a mistake, you can discuss it without putting either yourself or them down. Even big utility companies and the Internal Revenue Service can only exist with your agreement to pay for the services they provide. (And if you feel that you’re not getting enough in return for your taxes, remember an election year is right around the corner!)

You are a very important person. Other people don’t have power over you. They are trying to accomplish something, and if their priorities conflict with yours, negotiation is in order, not capitulation. If you do run into a person with an insatiable need to control others, they have a problem. Bypass them and go straight to a saner, more rational adult with whom you can talk.

Finally, you have to practice actually saying the words of resistance. Practice at home in front of a mirror, or ask a friend to act like the person you are afraid of while you practice. Use your imagination to pretend you are in the situation you dread. Practice until the words come naturally. It’s okay to be a little tense when you try coping with the real situation. But each time you try, you’re practicing a skill that can change your whole view of yourself. It’s well worth the effort!

Remember, you’re a valuable person. Don’t be a victim and don’t give your authority away. Respect the other person’s job, but don’t treat them like your parent. You’re not a kid anymore.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 22nd, 2007 at 4:57 pm and is filed under Anger. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.