Comments on: The Great 'Yes, but' Game http://www.drmadelinedaniels.com/2006/12/05/the-great-%e2%80%9cyes-but%e2%80%a6%e2%80%9d-game/ Psychologist CA PSY #16927, 530-873-4543 Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:15:21 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Kimberly Daniels http://www.drmadelinedaniels.com/2006/12/05/the-great-%e2%80%9cyes-but%e2%80%a6%e2%80%9d-game/comment-page-1/#comment-19 Kimberly Daniels Tue, 06 Feb 2007 23:34:18 +0000 http://www.drmadelinedaniels.com/?p=18#comment-19 Thanks, Dr. Daniels! I will do what I can, especially with the relaxation. Many people I work with do vex me and I tend to say what is on my mind. Though appreciated at home, work is not the place for it. Sometimes it is hard for this Libra to balance her scales! Have a good day! Kim Thanks, Dr. Daniels! I will do what I can, especially with the relaxation. Many people I work with do vex me and I tend to say what is on my mind. Though appreciated at home, work is not the place for it. Sometimes it is hard for this Libra to balance her scales!

Have a good day!
Kim

]]> By: Roy Fairfield http://www.drmadelinedaniels.com/2006/12/05/the-great-%e2%80%9cyes-but%e2%80%a6%e2%80%9d-game/comment-page-1/#comment-18 Roy Fairfield Sun, 28 Jan 2007 19:01:09 +0000 http://www.drmadelinedaniels.com/?p=18#comment-18 Dear Madeline, Glad to see you commenting upon the notion of "facilitator!" You probably know of my battle to change the concept of "teacher" to that o facilitator and to change the concept of "student" to learner...attempting to get down to basics in dealing with learner. These were not easy transitions in the early days of the Union Graduate School (Union Institute), but both became functional as we evolved the program. As the linguists hae told us, we tend to live into our words. That susrely was true as I serve as "point person" for UGS. So push on; whoever may geet the spark may set the fires of learning that's both real and functional. Right on! Dear Madeline, Glad to see you commenting upon the notion of “facilitator!” You probably know of my battle to change the concept of “teacher” to that o facilitator and to change the concept of “student” to learner…attempting to get down to basics in dealing with learner. These were not easy transitions in the early days of the Union Graduate School (Union Institute), but both became functional as we evolved the program. As the linguists hae told us, we tend to live into our words. That susrely was true as I serve as “point person” for UGS. So push on; whoever may geet the spark may set the fires of learning that’s both real and functional. Right on!

]]> By: Dr. Daniels http://www.drmadelinedaniels.com/2006/12/05/the-great-%e2%80%9cyes-but%e2%80%a6%e2%80%9d-game/comment-page-1/#comment-17 Dr. Daniels Sat, 27 Jan 2007 19:25:14 +0000 http://www.drmadelinedaniels.com/?p=18#comment-17 Well, Kim, one of the biggest problems with people is that they're complicated and what they present on the surface may not be what they're feeling inside. They may not really be asking for 'advice' even though they appear to be. Maybe just listening first will help them ventilate their feelings. Your boss may help give you guidelines if you ask (diplomatically, of course) how much time to allow from your own work to do this listening. Another technique that might help is to ask the person complaining 'What do you think will help?' or 'What can I do that would be helpful to you?' You can guide them gently to making their own decision of what option to try. Again, your boss will appreciate your concern for others in the office, and may even have ideas on what will be more efficient in problem-solving for all employees. Sometimes our own feelings get in the way of resolution, especially when we're bottling up rising negative experiences. Your saying 'I don't even bother after the first time' suggests that your own frustration level may be so high that you're cutting people off so fast that they feel the sting. Relaxation techniques and breathing exercises are just small ways to help you stay cool under stress. There are many more stress-coping methods, but it's important to accept that you owe yourself the chance to use them. Thank you for your question. It brings up some important issues, and I'll be posting some thoughts on anger, frustration, and dealing with difficult people soon. In the meantime, just remember that none of us has a magic wand (or an 'easy button'), not even therapists! We cannot make the person change his/her behavior; we can only try changes in our actions. I hope you'll let me know if some of the suggestions above are of help to you because I can always learn more about how to apply ideas to real life situations. Well, Kim, one of the biggest problems with people is that they’re complicated and what they present on the surface may not be what they’re feeling inside. They may not really be asking for ‘advice’ even though they appear to be. Maybe just listening first will help them ventilate their feelings. Your boss may help give you guidelines if you ask (diplomatically, of course) how much time to allow from your own work to do this listening.

Another technique that might help is to ask the person complaining ‘What do you think will help?’ or ‘What can I do that would be helpful to you?’ You can guide them gently to making their own decision of what option to try. Again, your boss will appreciate your concern for others in the office, and may even have ideas on what will be more efficient in problem-solving for all employees.

Sometimes our own feelings get in the way of resolution, especially when we’re bottling up rising negative experiences. Your saying ‘I don’t even bother after the first time’ suggests that your own frustration level may be so high that you’re cutting people off so fast that they feel the sting. Relaxation techniques and breathing exercises are just small ways to help you stay cool under stress. There are many more stress-coping methods, but it’s important to accept that you owe yourself the chance to use them.

Thank you for your question. It brings up some important issues, and I’ll be posting some thoughts on anger, frustration, and dealing with difficult people soon. In the meantime, just remember that none of us has a magic wand (or an ‘easy button’), not even therapists! We cannot make the person change his/her behavior; we can only try changes in our actions. I hope you’ll let me know if some of the suggestions above are of help to you because I can always learn more about how to apply ideas to real life situations.

]]> By: Kimberly Daniels http://www.drmadelinedaniels.com/2006/12/05/the-great-%e2%80%9cyes-but%e2%80%a6%e2%80%9d-game/comment-page-1/#comment-16 Kimberly Daniels Thu, 25 Jan 2007 02:38:22 +0000 http://www.drmadelinedaniels.com/?p=18#comment-16 Hello, Dr. Daniels! I really like this article. At work I encounter this attitude all the time. "Kim, I have a problem..." I offer advise, and receive "Yes, but..." every time. I don't even bother after the first "Yes, but..." because it tells me they aren't looking for an answer, just wanting to vent. Am I being too harsh by not entertaining the "Yes, but-er..." any longer than I have to? Shutting out other people's negativity seems to only be getting me in trouble with my boss. Is there a better way to react? Hello, Dr. Daniels! I really like this article. At work I encounter this attitude all the time. “Kim, I have a problem…” I offer advise, and receive “Yes, but…” every time. I don’t even bother after the first “Yes, but…” because it tells me they aren’t looking for an answer, just wanting to vent. Am I being too harsh by not entertaining the “Yes, but-er…” any longer than I have to? Shutting out other people’s negativity seems to only be getting me in trouble with my boss. Is there a better way to react?

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