The Scots poet, Robbie Burns, said it best: ‘O would some power the giftie gie us, To see ourselves as others see us!’ It would indeed be a blessing to be able to stand outside ourselves and see what others see. Our own image of ourself is so far removed from objective reality that it’s a wonder we recognize ourselves when we look in a mirror!
Self-image is a funny thing. We build a picture of ourselves based on messages from the past, rather than on an honest appraisal of who we are today. We judge ourselves by irrelevant rules and expectations, and all too often picture ourselves as failing to live up to what we ’should’ be.
How many people think of themselves as fat? Far too many, I’m afraid! Do they feel fat because they are actually carrying around too many pounds to be healthy? Not always. Many of them feel ‘fat’ because they are comparing themselves to an unrealistic stereotype based on advertising models and Barbie dolls. They are unhappy with themselves, and yet their unhappiness is based on an impractical and sometimes unhealthy image of what they ’should’ be.
Those with anorexia or bulimia may starve or purge themselves to pathetic or life-threatening extremes. Yet if you ask them how they picture themselves, the inevitable reply is that they see themselves as ‘fat.’ No matter what their actual weight or shape, they refuse to see the reality. Their self-image is so strong that it completely blocks the reality.
This is just one example of a common tendency. Most of us don’t look in the mirror with an objective appraisal of ourselves. We look and see ‘fat’ or ‘ugly’ or ‘old’ regardless of the actual image. We cover the real image with a false picture from our minds.
All too often that false image does us a disservice.
Let’s take another example. How many people don’t think of themselves as ’successful’? They look in the mirror and see a ‘failure’. Why? Only because they are comparing themselves to expectations of what they ’should’ have done. Never mind that they are productive, or healthy, or managing to support a family. They consider themselves a ‘failure’. Their negative self-image is so strong that they can’t see the very real things they gave accomplished in their lives.
Many times I’ve heard people repeat the saying ‘You can’t be too thin or too rich.’ Well, it’s not true.
Eating disorders are the result of trying to be too thin. Stress, paranoia, and overwork can be the result of trying to be too rich. Good health, mental and physical, is the result of appreciating who you are, and making the most of the real you.
Some families get together once a week to share what they like about each other. This can be a good antidote to the poison of self-criticism. At the very least, try looking in a mirror to find your good points. Stop thinking you already know what you’ll see. Step outside yourself for a change. You might be surprised at what an attractive and successful person you really are when you peek behind that false self-image.
[...] Madeline Daniels presents Your Image or Mine? posted at Dr. Madeline Daniels. [...]
So true. A lot of people’s perception of themselves is carved by what other people think of them. You can’t stop what others are saying about you. But you can stop thinking about their negative comments.