There’s a surfeit of books out today about real men who don’t eat quiche, and real women who don’t pump gas. But there’s one area that’s been totally ignored. So let’s call a spade a spade, as it were, and shovel up our own collection of helpful tips on how to be a Real Bitch.
First of all, let’s define our terms. As any woman knows, any act of assertiveness on her part is enough to put her in this category. If a woman asks for something, she’s a bitch. If she complains (however justified the complaint), she’s a bitch. If she’s impatient, if she says ‘no’ to an unreasonable request, if she refuses to take orders without questions, she’s a bitch.
Obviously, the only way to avoid being in this category is to sit quietly with your hands folded in your lap, and be ready to jump when your boss — husband — kids speak.
However, this sort of passive behavior is well nigh impossible for any sane adult to maintain indefinitely. So let’s face facts, and accept the label as one of the results of trying to get any job done.
Stop feeling guilty, and let’s get cracking.
Obviously, this whole category is based on some people’s assumption that every woman is their mommy. Mommies are supposed to feed babies, clean up baby’s messes, and and pick up baby when baby falls. Some otherwise mature people (including teenagers) have trouble remembering that babies grow up and women are real people too. When your co-workers at the office expect you to fetch their coffee, help them with their paperwork, and cover their delays, switching to ‘bitching’ may be the only solution.
Parents are expected to endure sleepless nights when baby cries, but if you’re disturbing your rest because you’re taking work home from the office every night, it’s time to remind yourself that your boss isn’t a baby.
If you can’t say ‘no’ when you’re asked to take on another job, ask yourself why you won’t let your office grow up! Stand up and be a Real Bitch! Refuse to work yourself into an early grave.
Ditto for your family. If you find you are still doing all the cleaning, washing and cooking for a family of non-infants, take a stand. Set deadlines and enforce the consequences! Accept your Real Bitch status proudly. You’ll be glad you did when you have the time to enjoy your family after dinner instead of scurrying around until midnight to make sure they have clothes for tomorrow.
We tend to feel impatience is wrong because making demands is wrong. Putting out a deadline forces the issue of whether the other person is actually going to get the job done or not. Being firm about your own needs can be difficult if you are afraid that being firm means being hard.
Sometimes being firm is the most loving thing you can do for the people around you. If you feel overworked and taken for granted, don’t be afraid to be a bitch. Let them all grow up! You’ll be surprised by how un-bitchy you’ll feel if you do.